6 Months

6 months ago today (February 10, 2010), my dad breathed his last breath here on earth. I still can't seem to believe it. It seems like so long ago and yet so recently all at the same time. It is still so hard and painful when I think about him, so I have found myself trying not to. Maybe that's bad and unhealthy, I am not sure. But maybe it's a good way for me to deal with his loss so that I am not constantly sad and in a bad place. But sometimes I feel guilty for not thinking about him.

Mom is doing ok, she has been super busy with a bunch of work on their house as well as working full-time. I don't know how she does it. We don't talk about Dad a whole lot, I think mostly to prevent us both from having a breakdown. Not that either of us is necessarily avoiding, just protecting. (Or is that the same thing?) I feel bad about that too, that maybe I am not there enough for her to talk to. I called her the other night and she cleared her throat when she answered. Her reason? She hadn't talked to anyone the whole evening so her voice was kind of hoarse. Heartbreaking. :(

The kids are doing well. We do talk about Papa, though Drew is surprisingly the one who asks the most questions. The other day he asked, "Why did God take Papa to Heaven and not us?" I explained to him that God was just ready for Papa to come be with him and when it's our turn, God will take us to Heaven, too.

I think the thing I miss the most about Dad is his laugh. He could be kind of reserved and serious at times, but he sure loved his grandkids and how they made him laugh! I hope I never forget how that sounded.

Dad, I just want you to know that I love you and miss you, as do so many others. :)