Febraury 20, 2010 - Dad's Funeral

I have been needing to do this post for a long time but just haven't been able to bring myself to do it.

Saturday, February 20, 2010 was my dad's funeral. Tony, the kids and I had driven up to my mom's on Thursday and we spent that day and Friday hanging out with Mom and Tim, my mom's sister (my Aunt Jeanie) and my cousin Kellen and also my dad's brother (my Uncle Cary) and his longtime girlfriend, Pat. I hadn't seen Uncle Cary in 12 years and we only see Aunt Jeanie and Kellen once a year, so it was really good to see them, despite the horrible circumstances.

We were all dreading the funeral. At least, I know I was. I knew it would be good and we would be greatly supported, but I just didn't want to face the fact that my dad had died just a little over a week before that. Yuck.

Saturday came and it was actually a nice, pretty sunny morning, which did help a little. We ate breakfast and headed to Midway Covenant Church, which is the church in Des Moines, WA that I grew up going to. My parents now are members at Harbor Covenant in Gig Harbor, WA, but my dad still was very connected with the Men's group at Midway. They met every Thursday morning at a restaurant called Sonny's for breakfast and Bible Study. It just seemed right that the service be held at Midway, and so many people from both churches pitched in to make it happen. Oddly enough (well, except there is no odd with our all-knowing God), Midway has an interim pastor right now and he was the interim pastor at Harbor Covenant for 15 months before that. So he knew my parents and was very willing to perform the service. I tell you, God cares about the details, God knows everything and He takes care of everything.

Another God-thing through this was the presence of Gary Peterson. He was the head pastor at Midway when we first started going there (I was in 5th grade). He confirmed both me and my brother and was always just an amazing godly, loving man. His wife, Marilyn, is also amazing. Anyway, when we moved down here to Hillsboro 8 years ago, we found out that Gary was the associate pastor at a church called Summit View Covenant, just 15 minutes from where we lived. We have been there since. Gary and Marilyn ended up moving back to Washington to retire and now attend Midway. Gary went every Thursday to the Men's Breakfast and truly became a dear friend of my dad's. So it was natural to ask Gary to be a part of the service as well.

Back to the service. We got there and I set up a memory table with posters I had put together with pictures of my dad and also various things of his that reminded me, Tim and my mom of Dad. I got it all put together and then stopped to look at it and just cried. The memories were so fresh, so raw. People started arriving and wow, that was overwhelming. People I hadn't seen in years, people I had never met, friends of my mom's, friends of Tim's and dear dear friends of mine. It was so amazing how many people came and how far some came just to be there to support us. I have no words for how much that meant to me and my family.

The service was really good. The music was beautiful and the message by Pastor David was wonderful. There was a time for people to share memories of my dad and that was hard but truly a gift to hear what people said about Dad. Pastor Gary shared a story about something that happened the week before as well. He had told me and my mom, but hearing it again brought emotion just the same. Here is what he told us all.

Thursday, February 4, was my dad's 74th birthday. He went to the Men's Breakfast at Sonny's like always and they celebrated his special day. They also joked about being old and Gary told my dad he hoped they would celebrate many more birthdays with him. Little did they know this would be the last. Dad died the following Wednesday. The day after Dad died, the men once again met for breakfast, this time with a much different mood. A little Asian couple owns and runs the restaurant and the wife always serves the men on Thursdays. They told her that Tom had died and she was so sad, saying "Oh, Papa!" (Gary said she calls all the men Papa.) Anyway, a man named John was sitting in the spot where Dad always sat and this lady made him move right away so the spot was empty. She then left and came back with a cup of tea, which she placed at Dad's spot. (He always had tea on Thursday mornings.) Then when the food came, she placed a full plate of Dad's usual breakfast at his spot. Gary said every man there was moved to tears at the gesture. None of them really knew what it meant, as it was likely a cultural gesture, but it was beautiful nonetheless. What dear, sweet people to care so much about my dad.

After the service was a reception that the women from both churches had coordinated. I felt so sick I wasn't hungry in the least. Both sets of Tony's parents were there to help the kids get food and occupy them. I felt a little overwhelmed at first with all the people who were there, even my friends. I just chatted with some and eventually felt like I could go talk with people and thank them for coming. It was weird, I am a pretty social person and always want to make everyone feel comfortable and happy, but I just couldn't seem to get myself together enough to do so. I know it's okay and normal, but it was hard for me to feel that way.

Whew, that was hard to revisit. But I needed to and am glad I did. Here are some pictures of the memory table and the program from the service.