Karate Man

I have a whole week's worth of posts to do from Spring Break, but first I wanted to back up and post about Zack's karate tournament a few weeks ago!

This was a very large karate tournament, even the guy who started Yoshida's Teriyaki was part of it! It was held at Mount Hood Community College in Gresham, OR, about an hour from here. It was in their gym and wow, what an event! Here is what it looked like:

The official's table

I think Zack was a bit nervous, but mostly from not knowing what to expect. He is used to his belt testing, but this was very different. After some warming up, the tournament began.

Pre-tourney video game warm-up. ;)

Zack and his buddy, Isaac, doing some stretches

The team from our dojo, Hillsboro Shotokan Karate

Drew got to sit on Sensei Guido's shoulders to watch the black belts compete!

First up was the kata competition. They grouped kids by age, experience and gender, so Zack was with boys his age. A kata is a kind of series of moves that are very specific to that kata and you usually perform certain ones based on the color of belt. Zack does Shotokan karate and ours was the only Shotokan dojo at the tournament. This turned out to not be such a good thing, as the judges seemed to prefer the styles of the other kids to ours. Needless to say, Zack performed his kata well and was very proud of himself.

In the staging area, waiting to be called

Then came the sparring competition. Sparring is pretty much fighting using karate. Our dojo doesn't really do sparring, but Sensei Guido had the kids practice 5 or 6 times before the tournament. That turned out to also be kind of a bad thing, as we soon found that the rest of the dojos there spar a LOT. These little 6 and 7 year old boys were vicious!!! Two boys went at a time and they got points based on their punching and kicking, kind of complicated. At the end of that match a winner was determined and it kept going on like that until they had an overall winner. Zack did awesome during his first match and actually won! His second match he was paired with a big, tough, very well-practiced boy. Zack kind of got beat up, to the point of tears. It was very hard to watch. :( But he kept on going until he was done. He did have a third match against another boy from our dojo and even though Zack lost that one, he did really well.

Lil' Bro, desperately wanting in on the action

Getting pumped up!

Zack and Sensei Guido

Grandma Marie and Papa David came to cheer Zack on!

Medals make everything better!

....And so does ICE CREAM!!

We are so very proud of Zack and how he persevered and did his absolute best, even when getting beat up by a big scary kid! He is awesome.

Three Blessings

This week has been amazingly beautiful with sun, blue skies and only a hint of cool winter breezes. Wednesday I took the kids to our city library. Behind the building is an amazing landscape of water, fountains, trees, flowers, wildlife and paths to walk on. This makes it a fantastic place to take pictures. I have a super simple point and shoot digital camera, but I think I ended up getting some pretty great shots of my three sweet gifts from God. See for yourself. :)

Febraury 20, 2010 - Dad's Funeral

I have been needing to do this post for a long time but just haven't been able to bring myself to do it.

Saturday, February 20, 2010 was my dad's funeral. Tony, the kids and I had driven up to my mom's on Thursday and we spent that day and Friday hanging out with Mom and Tim, my mom's sister (my Aunt Jeanie) and my cousin Kellen and also my dad's brother (my Uncle Cary) and his longtime girlfriend, Pat. I hadn't seen Uncle Cary in 12 years and we only see Aunt Jeanie and Kellen once a year, so it was really good to see them, despite the horrible circumstances.

We were all dreading the funeral. At least, I know I was. I knew it would be good and we would be greatly supported, but I just didn't want to face the fact that my dad had died just a little over a week before that. Yuck.

Saturday came and it was actually a nice, pretty sunny morning, which did help a little. We ate breakfast and headed to Midway Covenant Church, which is the church in Des Moines, WA that I grew up going to. My parents now are members at Harbor Covenant in Gig Harbor, WA, but my dad still was very connected with the Men's group at Midway. They met every Thursday morning at a restaurant called Sonny's for breakfast and Bible Study. It just seemed right that the service be held at Midway, and so many people from both churches pitched in to make it happen. Oddly enough (well, except there is no odd with our all-knowing God), Midway has an interim pastor right now and he was the interim pastor at Harbor Covenant for 15 months before that. So he knew my parents and was very willing to perform the service. I tell you, God cares about the details, God knows everything and He takes care of everything.

Another God-thing through this was the presence of Gary Peterson. He was the head pastor at Midway when we first started going there (I was in 5th grade). He confirmed both me and my brother and was always just an amazing godly, loving man. His wife, Marilyn, is also amazing. Anyway, when we moved down here to Hillsboro 8 years ago, we found out that Gary was the associate pastor at a church called Summit View Covenant, just 15 minutes from where we lived. We have been there since. Gary and Marilyn ended up moving back to Washington to retire and now attend Midway. Gary went every Thursday to the Men's Breakfast and truly became a dear friend of my dad's. So it was natural to ask Gary to be a part of the service as well.

Back to the service. We got there and I set up a memory table with posters I had put together with pictures of my dad and also various things of his that reminded me, Tim and my mom of Dad. I got it all put together and then stopped to look at it and just cried. The memories were so fresh, so raw. People started arriving and wow, that was overwhelming. People I hadn't seen in years, people I had never met, friends of my mom's, friends of Tim's and dear dear friends of mine. It was so amazing how many people came and how far some came just to be there to support us. I have no words for how much that meant to me and my family.

The service was really good. The music was beautiful and the message by Pastor David was wonderful. There was a time for people to share memories of my dad and that was hard but truly a gift to hear what people said about Dad. Pastor Gary shared a story about something that happened the week before as well. He had told me and my mom, but hearing it again brought emotion just the same. Here is what he told us all.

Thursday, February 4, was my dad's 74th birthday. He went to the Men's Breakfast at Sonny's like always and they celebrated his special day. They also joked about being old and Gary told my dad he hoped they would celebrate many more birthdays with him. Little did they know this would be the last. Dad died the following Wednesday. The day after Dad died, the men once again met for breakfast, this time with a much different mood. A little Asian couple owns and runs the restaurant and the wife always serves the men on Thursdays. They told her that Tom had died and she was so sad, saying "Oh, Papa!" (Gary said she calls all the men Papa.) Anyway, a man named John was sitting in the spot where Dad always sat and this lady made him move right away so the spot was empty. She then left and came back with a cup of tea, which she placed at Dad's spot. (He always had tea on Thursday mornings.) Then when the food came, she placed a full plate of Dad's usual breakfast at his spot. Gary said every man there was moved to tears at the gesture. None of them really knew what it meant, as it was likely a cultural gesture, but it was beautiful nonetheless. What dear, sweet people to care so much about my dad.

After the service was a reception that the women from both churches had coordinated. I felt so sick I wasn't hungry in the least. Both sets of Tony's parents were there to help the kids get food and occupy them. I felt a little overwhelmed at first with all the people who were there, even my friends. I just chatted with some and eventually felt like I could go talk with people and thank them for coming. It was weird, I am a pretty social person and always want to make everyone feel comfortable and happy, but I just couldn't seem to get myself together enough to do so. I know it's okay and normal, but it was hard for me to feel that way.

Whew, that was hard to revisit. But I needed to and am glad I did. Here are some pictures of the memory table and the program from the service.

"Your Hands"

I have recently discovered this amazing song by JJ Heller, a Christian artist. Right now it is really emotional for me to listen to, but it is beautiful and encouraging and it gives me hope and peace.

This isn't the official video, but I really like it. It is kind of big on my page, but you get the idea. Here is the link if you prefer to view it that way. JJ Heller "Your Hands"

Grief Thoughts

Well, that last post was really hard to write. It felt really good to do and kind of get it behind me, but I still have more I want to write and get posted. It's weird, this whole grief thing. I have never done it before, so I just feel like I am in a fog all the time. Not really sure what I am doing, feeling different things at different times, sometimes being ok but feeling guilty about it and sometimes just not ok at all. I feel very tired every day, which I am sure is normal, but I am still very tired even when the day has seemed completely normal. What is up with that? This just sucks, no other way to put it.

Don't get me wrong, I still know that God is here and I still feel supported by so many. But it has been a month and, well, life goes on. Which is good, I mean, I guess we want it to. But at the same time it feels all wrong and not fair and like somehow we are not loving Dad enough by moving on. I can't really explain it, but I know those of you who have been there understand completely. And it feels not fair of me to continue on doing my normal things when my mom is there all alone, dealing with this by herself. Sure, she has work that serves as a distraction, but every day she goes home to an empty house, everything the way she left it. I bet she would give anything right now to open a cupboard and find something that Dad put away in the wrong place. She has to now do it all. It's not like she isn't capable, because she is. My mom is the smartest, strongest woman I know. But just going through this and seeing her struggle with the realities of death is the kind of pain I have never known. I am so sorry, Mom.

I read a book from the library to the kids tonight about a little bunny who lost his grandpa the year before. He went around collecting things from his grandpa's favorite places to help cheer up his grandma, who was very sad. We talked about Papa Tom and what they remembered about him. They said different little things and then Sadie remembered that Papa had sat and read them all a book when we were there in December, one of the last times we saw him. I have a picture of that moment, which was so precious to me then, but little did I know that it would be one of the last memories my kids would have of their Papa Tom.
My dad didn't much like noise, and sometimes my rambunctious kids were a tad too wild for him, but Dad sure loved these kids. Many people have told me over the past month how much he talked about them and how proud he was of them all. I just hope that they are able to hold onto the memories they have of Dad and that he is always there in their minds, cheering them on as they go through life.

I can't make sense of a whole lot right now and my view of life has definitely changed. All I know is that I don't like this grief process, but I know I must go through it, knowing that God is using this for His good, for His plan. And I have to be ok with that. Because He loves me. And He loves my family.

February 10, 2010 - Dad's Homegoing

Wednesday, Feburary 10, 2010 started out same as any other day for me and my family. My mom said goodbye to my dad, who was retired, and went off to work at World Vision. He called her a few hours later and said he was going to take a trip to the Auburn SuperMall (only about 15-20 mins from where they live in Federal Way). We know that Dad had to have felt completely fine, as he hated going out to the SuperMall and would not have gone had he felt any hint of unwell. He bought something at Bed, Bath & Beyond and headed back to Federal Way. He stopped at the Fred Meyer by my parents' house, we assume to get a hoagie or something for lunch, as he often did. But he didn't make it. He went down just inside the door. A woman who happened to be a new nurse was there (not sure if she actually saw him go down or not) and started CPR right away. The paramedics arrived shortly after (the firestation is 2 blocks away) and took over. They got him back for a very short time in the ambulance, and then he was gone. Nothing to shock, nothing to sustain his life, he was just gone.

I was at home getting ready to head to Sadie and Zack's school to help lead the Bible club some friends and I started there when I got a phone call from Virginia Mason Clinic. I knew something was wrong the second I answered the phone. The sweet lady on the other end had me identify that I was indeed Tom and Betsey Grayson's daughter and said she was trying to get a hold of my mom. They had tried the home phone as well as her cell phone. I gave the lady my mom's work number, still wondering what the heck was going on. Then the poor sweet lady broke me the news. My dad had been taken to the hospital, but that he had died. DIED. Are you kidding me? I lost it and sobbing uncontrollably yelled at the lady to call my mom. Tony had just left for work, so I called him right away. I as shaking and crying so badly it took me about 5 tries to even make the call. I managed to choke out the words that I had just heard and he said he would be right home. I then called my friend Caryn, who I run the club with, and told her I wouldn't be coming to Good News Club and why. She showed up a few minutes later and took Zack with her. Poor kid, he was downstairs with me and was probably so confused about what was happening, but I couldn't even talk to him. Anyway, Tony came home shortly and I had by then spoken briefly with my mom and also realized I needed to drive up to be with my mom right away. Tony ran to school and got the kids and ended up telling them what happened. Everyone had been so somber, the kids knew something was wrong.

I left after completely mindlessly throwing things in a bag to take and drove by myself (in horrid traffic to boot) the long 3 hours to face the nightmare that was unfolding in my life. Thankfully I had a Bluetooth so was able to make phone calls, one after another to friends and family, sobbing out the fact that my dad had just died. I still can't really wrap my mind around it and even writing this out is painfully difficult. I made it to my mom's house maybe 6ish or a little later, dreading walking through that door. Three wonderful friends of my mom's from World Vision were there with her, they had refused to leave until I got there. My brother, Tim, got there right after I did. We all just stood there, numb, sick, not knowing what to do or think. It was awful, especially being surrounded by things that were just the way Dad had left them hours before. His magazines all laid out, ready to read. His remotes fanned out just how he liked them His pill box, opened to Wednesday. I was sick.

The next two days were a fog. We went the funeral home, where I said goodbye to my dad and helped Mom make decisions regarding everything from what he was to be cremated in to the obituary for the paper. We met with the pastor who was to do the service the following week. We ate because we had to. We went shopping for an outfit for me to wear to the funeral. We talked, we cried, we laughed a little, too, which felt good. But mostly we tried to wrestle with the reality that Dad was gone and we would never see him again on this side of Heaven.

As humans, we feel things deeply, and God meant for us to do just that. When we lose someone we feel a great sense of loss and sadness, and I believe that God sits there with us, crying too. The things that I will miss about Dad:
~Calling on the phone and hearing him saying "I'm fine" before I can even say "How are you?" (It was a little private joke between us.)
~Hearing him chuckle when one of my kids says or does something funny.
~Watching him interact in his own quiet way with the grandkids that I know he loved dearly.
~Buying him chocolate covered cherries and seeing how happy something so small made him.
~Having the really good, deep talks that we have had over the years about life's triumphs and difficulties.
~Seeing his sweet face and standing on my tiptoes to give him a hug.
And so many more things I know will continue to pop up for years to come.

Through this all, God has blessed us in so many ways. It has comforted me to know that even though I didn't know and Mom didn't know and Tim didn't know that Dad would die when he did how he did, God knew. He loves us unconditionally and even though we walk through sad, difficult things in this life, God is with us and that makes all the difference to me. So here are some things I am thankful for in the midst of all this pain:
~#1 by a mile is that my dad loved the Lord and I know 100% that today he sits in Heaven with our blessed Savior. And we will all be reunited one day. For that, I cannot be more grateful and am filled with peace and joy.
~That Dad wasn't driving when he died. Or that he wasn't at home for my mom to come home to and find.
~That he went quickly and didn't feel any pain or suffer for any length of time. Harder on us for sure, but better for him. God knew.
~That my mom works where she does and is surrounded by so many people who stepped up to be there and help and love and comfort, from the day Dad died and still now as she is back at work, trying to go on with life.
~That all of us: Mom Tim, and I, have so many amazing friends from church and all other areas of our lives who have written cards, sent flowers, sent food, called, come over and most of all prayed and helped us through this time. I have no words for what it has meant.
~That even though my relationship with Dad was difficult when I was in high school and college, God had done amazing work in both of us and restored us to a truly wonderful place of love and respect for each other.
~His birthday was February 4, the Thursday before. I talked to him that day, then again Saturday and then again briefly on Monday, two days before he died. I cannot tell you how precious those conversations and chances to hear Dad's voice are to me now, knowing they were the last few times I would speak to him.
There are so many more things that I am thankful for and many more ways God has made His presence known to all of us, but I am ending with these now.

Never in a million years would I have imagined that I would go through what I went through 3 short weeks ago and will deal with for the rest of my life. But as I said before, God knew, and that is all the comfort I could ever have.

I love you, Dad. Goodbye for now.